Weary:

I have this pair of jeans. I've had them for probably 5 or 6 years and in the last few months the fabric has worn completely through. Yet, I still wear them. Unashamed of the growing hole while simultaneously hoping no one notices. These jeans are faded, stretched out and now threadbare. I'm feeling a bit like these jeans. More than a bit actually, I'm feeling exactly like these jeans: worn, faded, threadbare.

The thing is that jeans can't gather new material to fix their hole or make themselves clean or suddenly look new and fresh. In the same way, I lack that ability. I continually pull my strength, my love, my excitement and happiness from myself. Searching deeper and further each time to find more ounces of generosity, unconditional love, support, but, it has become clear that I am dry. Oh so dry compared to the vast well that is knowing Christ. With a new season that will bring its own set of triumphs, sacrifices, heart aches and joys coming up, it is such a needed reminder that I can do no thing apart from Him.

Seeking forgiveness for my attempt at being so in control of my own life and desiring a desperate heart. This summer that was meant to bring rest and refreshment has been chaotic and distant. We were designed to be in community to love and to be loved, but first we have to know what it is like to be loved so deeply by the One who started it all. To allow His passion and redemption to truly heal insecurities, cast out pride and devour sin. A life that is lived freely is one that is lived within the arms of the Maker of the Universe. A life that is lived joyfully is one that is lived in continual communication with the Giver of Peace.

I needed to be reminded to give up and receive it. His grace, mercy, forgiveness and that will bring the blessing, joy, and an out pouring of unconditional, irrevocable love.