Struggle:

Right now it is perfect October weather. It is windy, dark, cold, and rainy. Days like this always have an effect on me. I love this weather and I love having to crawl up in a blanket or wear three layers, but days like this make me very reflective. The stormy skies always remind me of the darkness that was and sometimes still is in my life. I have seen darkness, satan has had his power over me.Yet, then in the same moment I am reminded, "Christ is risen from the dead, trampling over death by death." and He is calling me to come awake and to rise up from the grave. I don't know why it is days like this that make me think I still have one foot in that stupid grave.

The stupid grave. I think I'm trapped. I know God is so much bigger than my sin. He has conquered my life and I have died with His son only to be risen again, fully alive in the glory of Christ. Yet, I can't let things go. I can't let go of my past. I am not wallowing, thinking I am so lowly or undeserving instead, I am so astounded at what God has done in my life. If I haven't said it already (which I have hundreds of times) God's faithfulness is incredibly... amazing? Ha! my vocabulary can't accurately express this the way I want it to.

So, I know that I am not trapped. I still feel like I am. So, pray for me? I love being able to say this. To ask for prayer, I love that God has given us the ability to be weak and helpless. I love that He has created us to need Him.

We find strength in God's strength. We find light and joy in His law. We praise His just hand. We worship His magnificent creation. However, we fall on our faces to revel in the glory of Christ's sacrafice. Jesus' weakest point: the cross, is the symbol that proclaims our faith over the world. We are our greatest because of Christ's lowest moment.

Weakness and defeat are things that christians want to avoid because it may mess up the "perfect" view that outsiders get. But, I am weak! You are weak! We have absolutely no strength! We can accomplish nothing without God's help. Why don't we praise Him for our weakness! Why don't we proclaim our actual need for a savior to the world, to our friends, to our family?

I am weak! I am struggling. I need prayer. I need a savior and I am not ashamed of that.


Okay, on a completely different note:
I had this amazing conversation with my friend's little sister, Jessi. She is an 8th grader and like many other girls she doesn't believe in her beauty. God has blessed me with this opportunity to "mentor" her. Right now that just looks like me emailing her verses daily and praying for her. But, if you know me at all you'd know that my heart's desire is to build a relationship with her. So, if you would be willing to commit to praying for her and for me as well, that God will just reveal the right verses to me. I love her and it breaks my heart that she doesn't believe God was perfect in creating her.