When my heart and mind won't connect I write. I write because this creates a bridge between what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling. The process of formulating words helps me to walk between them and understand it all. Kind of like taking a hair dryer to a foggy mirror, things clear up and you can see. But, even now I write and there is this big WHY written in stone across the bridge. I can't get around it, over it or through it until I figure it out. That's what I think anyway. God says it differently.
John writes, "The old commandment is the word that you have heard. At the same time, it is a new commandment that I am writing to you, which is true in him and in you, because the darkness is passing away and the true light is already shining."
God says to me, Shanna, my dear, listen to what you have heard. Understand what you have heard. Believe in what you have heard and let it make you new. He says, Shanna, my beauty, the darkness is passing away, do you see me? The light that is shining? He says to me, Shanna, my adoration, do you trust me? He says to me, sweetie, walk with me through this 'why', into the light and rejoice. He says to me, Shanna, my daughter, you are loved, receive this. There is no fog, there is no uncertainty, I have designed you this way because I love you this way. He says, Shanna, you are mine, you are perfectly mine.
It is an incredible blessing to be able to walk away from lies and run straight into Truth, to be steadfast in my identity. I wasn't this way, haven't been this way for long. In fact, there are fissures I find everyday. But, there are people to fill those with words of affirmation, the word of Truth and there is the Daddy in heaven pouring grace, peace, confidence, strength and love over me. I know these things because they are being tested. Daily, hourly. It's this process I don't understand. God seriously pouring over me, protecting me, my heart and my mind, guiding me and showing me good. Oh my is He showing me good. To laugh at dreams that mean something, and come to painful realizations and still grasp all the more tightly to His hand. Our God is good.
It is His word, that is old but becomes new everyday to show me what is good and right. I love Him. I love that God shows me what it means to need and to crave him. I love that after this I know.
"I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son God that you may know that you have eternal life. And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him" (1 John 5:13-15)
"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good....rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer" (Romans 12: 9, 10, 12)
