It's been awhile. But, I was in no place to write.
Lately, I've been stuck on the darkness of life. Instead of searching for beauty I let an unwilling spirit corrupt my perception of my world. I told a friend I was feeling "black". Instead of orange or yellow, it seemed as if joy didn't really have a place within my environment. But, that has changed.
God's grace is magnificent. I've realized I would have no perception of grace if I didn't know Him. Not just grace though. I wouldn't know forgiveness or justice, joy or anger. These things have no real place without knowing the Creator of all that is good. I've been stuck. Stuck. Stuck. Stuck. It was things like friendships, school, life choices, boys, worldly things that kept me away. Or kept me stuck.
It wasn't until a few days ago that I realized I would only become free from this struggle when I decided God was more important than me. Or that people were more important than me. I would only be free when I realized that even freedom I could not earn. I could only be given. Basically, I'm not good enough. I never will be. Finally, I'm okay with that.
I've never considered myself prideful. I didn't think that was what the "thorn" in my side was. But, it was pride that ruined unconditional love. It was pride that ruined beauty. It was pride that turned things black. You might think I wish I had come to this realization sooner, but I don't. It was because of the pain that I can know light. Christ didn't offer himself up without excruciating pain. It wasn't just that he died on the cross, or that he gave his life. It was first, that became nothing. He decided that the throne was less important than me. Can we just praise him for a minute? Or ten? Cause that is incredible. He decided that being the King of the Universe was less important than you. It is that example that I've begun to cherish.
In a simple text, I changed things. They went from bad to unavoidable. But, instead of trying to control the situation. I looked to Jesus. What was His example? I asked for help. He heard my plea.
I realized that His mercies, which are new every morning, put things back together. So all those shattered pieces? They become something stunning. They become a mosaic of all things good and bad. There will be no perfection until we are standing at the feet of the King. Until that moment, we are just beautiful mosaics.
